From Here.... to where?

I guess I don't really know what people even want to know about at this point? 

A few questions I've been asked lately:

"When will you go 'public' with this adoption?" 

      We are thinking May. We're obviously excited about it, but it's going to be a very long road. Our main concern with the telling everyone is for Madigan's sake. She is going to be a big sister! This is something that she asks for at least twice a week- so she's going to be floored! But right now, it would be very hard for her to wrap her head around. We're still cautiously working out the right things to tell her. I want to read some books and educate myself on how to talk to a child about adoption. I'm not the kind to sugar coat stuff- and she's not the kind of kid to ease up on a tough question. She's going to hear the truth about it, and we want her to know it's OK to ask questions- any questions.  We feel that besides our family and close friends, she deserves to be one of the first people to know about it. However... You can't expect a 3 year old to keep a secret. So we need to be sensitive about telling her- and knowing that she'll likely tell the first 300 people she comes into contact with after that. So we are asking that our family not discuss the adoption in front of her. We are hoping that by May we'll have the majority of our paperwork in order and be ready to share our journey with the community.

"How did you choose Ethiopia?" 

     There's not really a simple answer there. We researched several countries, and when we had our top three choices we looked into agencies that have programs there. After speaking with workers at a couple agencies about their programs we realized that Ethiopia is fairly stable, it's a safe country, and we feel that we could learn a lot about the culture of that country and incorporate it in our daily life once the child is home. I know before we really 'chose' a country I said a lot of prayers asking God to guide me and help me see which country He wanted us to choose. I'm not really sure when it hit me, but I realized one day that God has a heart for every orphan. HE wasn't going to choose for us but He will surely guide our hearts along the way. 

"Do you get any say in the age or sex of the child?"

Yes. When we filled out our contract we were allowed to specify our desires. It's very humbling to put down on paper what your wishes are for a child. We weren't given that opportunity when we got pregnant four years ago. As my too-big-for-her-britches daughter says "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." However we did have desires- and so we really took time to reflect on what we were wanting and why. We requested a male infant 12 months or younger without major medical problems. 

We are excited about the opportunity to raise a boy... a son. It still seems surreal to say that, actually. It probably will for a while!

At any time along this journey, feel free to post questions in the comments section. I am always an open book, but I'm not sure what everyone wants to know at this point? Feel free to leave comments too- we really do appreciate all the support we can get along the way!

Welcome...

If you're reading this- it's because you got an invite from me to follow along in our journey.

Here we are at the very beginning of the actual adoption, but I feel like the back story deserves to be told.
I have known that I wanted to adopt for about as long as I can remember. As I'm always willing to share, we didn't have an easy time conceiving our daughter and adoption was in my thoughts constantly. It has been in my heart since then, too. I remember a video clip of me at the hospital in labor where I rub my belly & I say to the camera "this is the most pregnant I'll ever be!" It seems at even 37 weeks + 5 days, contractions bearing down and birth at hand I was aware that one pregnancy was my only pregnancy.
In short, I have always believed that our daughter Madigan is proof that God listens to my prayers; our next child will be proof that we listened to God.
I completely believe that I needed to resolve any feelings I had about my infertility before we are able to whole heartedly proceed with an adoption. That is why this post is primarily about the infertility that lead us to adoption.
We stopped preventing any pregnancy when our daughter turned one. Just before her third birthday I had additional testing done to reveal that I have premature ovarian failure. Although we had talked about adopting our second child then possibly pursuing treatments again if we felt we wanted a third child, we were very bluntly told that if we wanted another genetic child, we needed to try now. So we did- trips to Wichita to a specialist- several pills, shots, tests, tears and prayers. Unsuccessful. Then entire time, I knew in my heart where I was being led.
I believe in God. I believe in his plan for his children. I don't think that he would create me with a desire to parent children, and the ability to give birth to only one.  We had reached the end of our emotional & physical ropes by Thanksgiving and stopped the treatments.
I have resolved my feelings towards my own infertility: God has given us a beautiful child who calls me mommy. I don't deserve her, but I thank God every day for her. I won the lottery with that child and if I never get the chance to parent another child again, I want her to know that without a doubt, with all of my heart she is enough for me, for us. She made us parents; she made us a family.
If I am going to be fully honest (and lets face it- has anyone here known me to never be completely honest?) I have to say that I knew we would adopt before we started the treatments. I know my body, and I knew they wouldn't work. I also knew that my husband had to come to terms with that thought in his own way on his own time. I prayed a lot over the last few months, and it was always the same prayer: "God, ready his heart for this. Plant the seed, and I'll water the hell out of it..." (I think that maybe my prayers are not of the typical variety...?) :) I vowed to myself not to push the issue, and before Christmas he was not just talking about adoption- he was excited about it. We prayed hard, researched the heck out of countries and programs- and then we took the plunge: the application. We turned our application into our agency on January 27th, 2012 and were officially accepted into the program February 2nd.
We have designated our file to be prepared to adopt from Ethiopia. This weekend we are sorting through the 18 page contract from our agency, and filling out the form that designates the specifics about the child that we want to bring home. There are so, so many steps left. There are tears to be shed, joys to be shared, and needs to be met. We would love for you to follow along- offer support, lend an ear, and celebrate along with us.... Will you join us on this journey?