If you're reading this- it's because you got an invite from me to follow along in our journey.
Here we are at the very beginning of the actual adoption, but I feel like the back story deserves to be told.
I have known that I wanted to adopt for about as long as I can remember. As I'm always willing to share, we didn't have an easy time conceiving our daughter and adoption was in my thoughts constantly. It has been in my heart since then, too. I remember a video clip of me at the hospital in labor where I rub my belly & I say to the camera "this is the most pregnant I'll ever be!" It seems at even 37 weeks + 5 days, contractions bearing down and birth at hand I was aware that one pregnancy was my only pregnancy.
In short, I have always believed that our daughter Madigan is proof that God listens to my prayers; our next child will be proof that we listened to God.
I completely believe that I needed to resolve any feelings I had about my infertility before we are able to whole heartedly proceed with an adoption. That is why this post is primarily about the infertility that lead us to adoption.
We stopped preventing any pregnancy when our daughter turned one. Just before her third birthday I had additional testing done to reveal that I have premature ovarian failure. Although we had talked about adopting our second child then possibly pursuing treatments again if we felt we wanted a third child, we were very bluntly told that if we wanted another genetic child, we needed to try now. So we did- trips to Wichita to a specialist- several pills, shots, tests, tears and prayers. Unsuccessful. Then entire time, I knew in my heart where I was being led.
I believe in God. I believe in his plan for his children. I don't think that he would create me with a desire to parent children, and the ability to give birth to only one. We had reached the end of our emotional & physical ropes by Thanksgiving and stopped the treatments.
I have resolved my feelings towards my own infertility: God has given us a beautiful child who calls me mommy. I don't deserve her, but I thank God every day for her. I won the lottery with that child and if I never get the chance to parent another child again, I want her to know that without a doubt, with all of my heart she is enough for me, for us. She made us parents; she made us a family.
If I am going to be fully honest (and lets face it- has anyone here known me to never be completely honest?) I have to say that I knew we would adopt before we started the treatments. I know my body, and I knew they wouldn't work. I also knew that my husband had to come to terms with that thought in his own way on his own time. I prayed a lot over the last few months, and it was always the same prayer: "God, ready his heart for this. Plant the seed, and I'll water the hell out of it..." (I think that maybe my prayers are not of the typical variety...?) :) I vowed to myself not to push the issue, and before Christmas he was not just talking about adoption- he was excited about it. We prayed hard, researched the heck out of countries and programs- and then we took the plunge: the application. We turned our application into our agency on January 27th, 2012 and were officially accepted into the program February 2nd.
We have designated our file to be prepared to adopt from Ethiopia. This weekend we are sorting through the 18 page contract from our agency, and filling out the form that designates the specifics about the child that we want to bring home. There are so, so many steps left. There are tears to be shed, joys to be shared, and needs to be met. We would love for you to follow along- offer support, lend an ear, and celebrate along with us.... Will you join us on this journey?