Saturday, January 5, 2013

Ethiopia On My Mind

We got our January update this week, and we are still several referrals away from the top of the list.

I often get asked, "How do you handle the waiting? And why do you seem so calm when you talk about this adoption?"

I get overwhelmed with thoughts & emotion when I think about our adoption and everything that goes into our son becoming a part of our family. There is a chance that we could have our referral by next Christmas. That means right now, somewhere half way around the world a woman is pregnant with my son.
Except it's her son right now.
Our son.

I don't know the circumstances that could surround his conception, his gestation, his birth or ultimately his delivery to an orphanage. Whether his family can not care for him by inability or lack of desire, I do not know. In fact, it does not matter to me.
I already love him and I love his biological mother for what she is doing.

My God is a sovereign God and I don't think we are his second choice for this child. I think before our son's conception, God knew this child would be our child. He is at work in his biological mother as much as He is at work in me, and I am in awe of that thought. Everything is happening in His time, according to His plan. I can't force this, I can't wish or pray any part of it to happen more quickly. What God is doing there is infinitely more important than the wait I am enduring here.

I read something a while back that just echoes with me when I think about the biological mother in our adoption process.

Once there were two women,
who never knew each other.
One you do not remember,
the other you call Mother.
Two different lives
shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star,
the other became your sun.
The first gave you life,
the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love,
the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality,
the other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent,
the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions,
the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
the other dried your tears.
One gave you up.
It was all she could do.
The other prayed for a child,
and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me through your tears,
the age-old question through the years:
Heredity or Environment -
which are you the product of?
Neither my darling, neither,
just two different kinds of love.

I know that once we receive our referral and know more of our son's story, I will grieve for him and for her- his biological mother. In fact, I think I already do when I think about her (which is on a daily basis). Does she know right now that she can not keep her baby? Has she already made that decision? Every time I think of her, I am driven to pray for her.
When given the time to really think about the chain of events that takes place from conception to the final gavel tap finalizing an adoption, it's mind blowing. It's also awesomely powerful and convinces me time and time again that miracles happen in this world. This journey is not made by accidents; it is formed by divine intervention, and those miraculous actions take time.
I suppose it's all of those things that make this waiting seem easy.


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